Well, where to start....  I time traveled to medieval times.  For some reason my laptop came with me and somehow works without power cables or internet.....  Unfortunately the only thing it seems to work for is creating blog posts.  Everything else is broken.  It's very strange.  So, being as I have no one to talk to and my only entertainment will be reading peoples comments on said post's, I guess I've become a medieval blogger.  Who would have thought that would even be a thing?

So where to start.... I arrived here yesterday.  One minute I was carrying my laptop to my car, about to go to work, the next, I was in the middle of a clearing in a forest.  I had my laptop, a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with the logo "Buy this man a beer." .... my car keys.... wallet... shoes... socks....  and not much else.

As I had been standing in my driveway about to put the keys in my van moments before, being in a clearing in the middle of the forest seemed somewhat odd.  I took a moment to survey my surroundings...   The forest consisted mostly of oak with a sprinkling of ash and birch....  Now not being much of a botanist I couldn't place myself from those three trees but I knew this forest was definitely far away from the pines and firs of the forests around where I live.  I could hear birds chirping and insects whizzing about but other than that it was  fairly peaceful and somewhat idyllic setting.  I think that's the only reason I didn't immediately panic.  It took like 20 seconds before I was freaking out.

20 minutes later... after I'd looked under all the rocks in the clearing for microphones and inspected all the trees for hidden camera's, I had decided that no, I wasn't in fact on some strange reality TV show where they somehow kidnap you and drop you in the middle of nowhere....  So where was I?  There was a path leading from the clearing and as I had absolutely no idea what to do, or if anyone was even looking for me I decided to take a walk.  Now I know that in these sorts of situations you're supposed to stay put, but It seemed to me that since I had no idea where I was or how I got there likely no one was going to be looking for me where ever there happened to be.

I walked for about an hour down this path which eventually led to what would best be described as rural agricultural land... low stone walls... fields of crops etc.  I came upon what seemed to be a small house made of mud and stone, with a straw thatched roof.  I can't tell you how out of place it seemed.... like I'd walked into a movie set... or was visiting some elaborate theme park where they went to great pains to make everything look antiquated and terrible.  Standing in what would best be described as the courtyard of the hut was a man who's whole bearing screamed peasant farmer.  From his handmade leather boots to his rough spun tunic.   The dirt on the man was unbelievable.  The smell was unreal.  A mixture of sweat, blood, urine and excrement.  I involuntarily gagged when I approached him.  He looked up from his labour and with a look of surprised alarm said something completely unintelligible to me.  I raised an eyebrow and said "Pardon me?"

The look on his face after I spoke was somewhere between mute fascination and complete terror.  One thing was for certain he immediately realized I wasn't from around there and ran off.   I chased after him for a few minutes but eventually realized that I was causing the poor soul indescribable terror.  So I let him get away.   I walked back to his modest home and decided it wouldn't hurt if I looked around inside maybe I could find a phone or at least a map or something to let me know where I was.

Inside the building was stranger than you could even imagine....  a lice ridden bed... filth everywhere... the smell was cloying and terrible.  Everything inside was so primitive, wooden bowls, spoons.... clay pitchers and mugs....  it was like nothing I'd ever seen before except in movies.  I was at a near panic when I heard a commotion outside.  I decided to see what was going on.

As I came outside I saw the farmer returning with what seemed to be a priest or a monk....  I waved and tried to get their attention.  The priest upon seeing me seemed to blanch... I think maybe he hadn't believed the farmer as he fainted right there.  The farmer upon seeing this tried to hold him up and when that became impossible ran again leaving the poor fellow in the dirt.

I walked over to see if he was all right.  It took a minute but I was able to rouse him.  He struggled mightily when he came to in my arms, but I needed some answers so I wasn't going to let him just run off too.  As it turned out my struggles were in vain.  He didn't speak English.... even though his language sounded vaguely familiar, and he talked like his teeth were rotten and his mouth was full of marbles....  Realizing that I wasn't going to get anything out of him, and since he smelled almost as bad as the farmer, I let him go.  He ran off in the same direction the farmer had gone so I decided perhaps I should follow but maybe it would be in my best interest to keep out of sight since these fellows had seemed so alarmed by my appearance.  I have to admit whoever these fellows were their costumes and dedication to the role's they were playing was admirable, to the point that I wasn't even sure that this was some sort of hoax.

The path they had traveled down was well worn and seemed to have ruts where wagons were pulled down it.  I stayed to the more forested areas to the side and out of sight.  The next thing I saw after traveling for about 20 minutes was straight out of my craziest dreams.  Mounted on a horse was a man in I kid you not, shining armour.  Behind him a squad of men with pikes and chain mail....  Beside the mounted knight walking in shaking terror was the priest and the farmer.  All this for me I thought from the bushes on the side of the road.  I think it was a good thing I was able to hide there because these fellows obviously meant business.  Their weapons were sharp and they seemed to know how to use them.  I watched them walk up the trail towards the farm and decided it might be best to figure out exactly where I was and what the hell was going on. 

I walked deeper into the forest away from the path.  I opened my laptop and to my surprise not only did it work, but I apparently had wifi...  I opened the internet with the hope that I could identify where I was from an internet search but the only page that would come up was this blog.  None of the programs worked, and the battery said it was dead.  I was curious how it even turned on.  I closed it up and decided that I would try to troubleshoot it a bit later when I had a handle on what the heck was happening.  I headed back towards the path but decided to follow it from some distance away.

Eventually it lead to a small town with a stone wall surrounding it.   Now when I mentioned the smell of the farmer and the priest I hadn't thought anything could be as bad, but I hadn't been close to this town yet.  Apparently these people had never heard of sanitation because near as I could tell the town smelled like a sewage treatment plant.

It was strange, I could hear the sounds of commerce and industry from where I was outside the walls, but it was all off.  Metal being beaten with a hammer... people yelling at each other.....  Woodsmoke from many chimneys.....  it was all very different.  I watched the entrance to the town for some time.  There were guards posted at the entrances and they talked with everyone entering and leaving.  If some of the civil rights people from home saw how they were treating these people they would fall over and die of shock.  Random searches.... groping women for no reason.....  Treating people like they were livestock..    It was quite the culture shock.   The people however didn't seem to mind, rather they seemed like it was humdrum normal behaviour.  It was fascinating to watch and I stayed there well into the evening when they finally closed the gates.  The town went remarkably silent and dark.  There were the odd fires for light but I didn't see anything like a lamp post or a street light.  When the town had settled into complete darkness I thought it would be a great time to climb the wall and check out what was going on inside the town.  I hid my laptop and decided to try climbing the wall.

It wasn't that hard... the stones were rough cut and the handholds were there.  The wall wasn't even that high.  If I had to guess it was meant only as a barrier of the crudest sort to keep out wildlife and possibly deter an attacker while a defense was mounted.  As my head cleared the edge I was lucky to miss the sentry who's back was turned to me.  He continued walking around the wall and when he was out of earshot I clambered the rest of the way over and down to the other side.

It was surreal.  Wooden cottages, stone buildings, carts and horses.  The filth, the old time tools.  Things I barely recognized for what they were as they were mostly made of wood and very primitive.  I couldn't believe how low the doors were and how close the buildings were together....  Someone at the city planning office had given very little care to planning the city as it was a haphazard warren of alleys criss crossed by mud streets.  Everything stank like crap.  Everything.

This was by far the strangest thing that had ever happened to me.  I had an inkling in my mind that I wasn't in Canada anymore... and I was starting wonder if I was even on earth.  The whole place reminded me of a renaissance fair but dirtier.  Could it possibly be?  Had I somehow been transported back in time?  The whole idea was crazier than I could possibly imagine.  It was also the only thing that made any sense.

I felt a lot of danger from where I was, the people seemed somewhat hostile towards outsiders and I was in the proverbial lions den so I decided to retreat back to the forest and contemplate my situation.  After watching the sentries at their post I realized they were far more concerned with keeping people out than in and after some careful timing I was able to climb the wall and get out of dodge as it were.  I made my way back to my laptop.

The only thing that worked was the ability to post here on this blog.  Everything else was not working.  It didn't matter what I clicked on.  Also the battery was dead and yet the laptop powered up somehow.  I'm curious now if the laptops broken or if my mind has snapped.  Since I'm able to chronicle what's going on I decided to do so.  If it's just a strange part of my broken mind at least it will keep me entertained in the silent darkness that is the night here.

I miss my friends and family and I'm really hungry.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.